“I have what I have and I am happy. I’ve lost what I’ve lost and I am still happy.”
We often hear the phrase, you win some and you lose some. I’ve never felt that saying to be totally accurate because even when we feel that we’ve lost something, we gain so much from the experience.
analyzing & extracting nuggets from Milk and Honey by rupi kaur
I’ve often fantasized about how different, better and more full-filled my life would be if my father were still living. I remember as a kid always saying, “if my dad where here, things would be better.”
Throughout the 41 years that I’ve been on this Earth without him, I’ve spent much of my time healing. I used to visit his grave site daily and I sometimes drive by the location where he took his last breath. When I was younger, it was really hard, total grief and despair but as I got older I felt as if I was being guided on how to handle my grief and how to help others experiencing this same magnitude of pain.
Last week I saw a young lady siting in her car consumed with grief. She was visibly shaken and overwhelmed with pain. I had no idea what was wrong but I felt her energy nearly 30 feet away. I was inside of an establishment, she was parked outside at the business next door. It was by happenstance that I turned around and looked out of the window. I felt her vibration. The magnitude of her pain was immense and unsettling.
I later found out that she was grieving the loss of her boyfriend who died in a car crash earlier in the week. She’s been returning to the location where he took his last breath, since it happened. By the time I learned of her story, she had left, I want to believe that I would have made myself available to comfort her had I known what she was dealing with a little sooner.
What I Understand:
I understand her need to revisit the location where her loved one took his last breath. The connection is deep, somehow you feel like you can breathe the same air, see the same sights and maybe align your thoughts with theirs to help you cope.
It’s maddening and satisfying at the same time.
The loss of time, love and experience isn’t easy to deal with.
Where I Find Comfort:
I find comfort in knowing my grief has caused me to vibrate at a level so extrordinary that I can be seated in a room, flipping through a magazine, waiting to be called by my hair stylist and suddenly feel the pull of someone nearly 30 feet away in an adjacent parking lot and understand that her cry was so familiar and shook me to my core that I had no choice but to find out more about her story.
It’s not the loss that makes us happy, it’s the ability to readily get in trenches of saddness and dispair with those who need us the most.
“I have what I have and I’m happy. I’ve lost what I’ve lost and I’m still happy.”